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You didn't even wait, Darcy. You couldn't even wait for me. I would have been home in another half-hour, Darcy; you didn't
even wait for me. Even just to say good-bye.
I met Darcy when I was 16 and he was 20, through my family. I have often wondered how much my family had to do with it: my
grandma is a powerful Mage and might have been able to see (or See) that we would both Awaken, and that I would need a Mentor,
as far as I was from my main family.
It seemed Fated. Perhaps it was.
Either way, he was the older man, attractive, sensitive. He was an artist. I often daydreamed about posing for one of his
paintings. You can imagine.
My crush subsided after a while. He didn't seem interested in me, and he dated a fair amount while I was in school. He also
seemed to be the steady-girlfriend type, and I didn't want to be . . . fettered.
I can't point to a perceptible change in his behavior. Now I believe that Kassandra (much as it pains me to admit) was
right, that he did love me when I couldn't see it, and I'm not sure when it started. But, before I moved to San Francisco
seems likely, and does account for some of his more enigmatic behavior. Like fighting so hard to keep me in LA. And not
giving me a decent reason why. And then moving to San Francisco. And no real reason, there, either.
I was so mad at him for no reason. We didn't speak for a week or two before I eventually left. I wouldn't speak to him.
I guess it was mostly that anytime we did talk, one or the other of us would bring it up, and then he'd be telling me not
to go, it's stupid, implying I was stupid, and then we'd be yelling.
So when I finally left, I didn't tell him I was going. I just ... left.
I didn't speak to him, or about him to any of my family the whole time we were apart. I hardly thought about him. I didn’t
allow myself to. I thought I hated him. I knew I was mad at him for never giving me an honest answer to Why? Well, anyway,
I was completely caught off-guard by Darcy moving into the Chantry. I'm sure he did that on purpose, to unsettle me into
not being mad at him anymore. He always was too smart for his own good.
Anyway, it was in that moment, when I saw him standing at my writing-room door and recognized him; I knew I didn't hate him.
I knew I had missed him, that I wanted him in my life again. Deep, deep in my subconscious (Blaize certainly figured it
out), I may have known what I actually felt for him, but . . .
We made love before we ever said those words to each other.
And then things started to fall apart.
The new Mages came, and we became Cabal. Darcy became clingy, wanting more and more of my attention, and acting devastated
when I couldn't give it to him, or if I flirted a bit. He didn't date anymore. I had no idea what was going on. Kassandra
kept telling me he loved me, kept interfering with our relationship. I think that was part of why he left, Kassandra always
bugging us. She kept bugging me that he loved me, I don't see why she would have left him alone.
The day he left was probably one of the most horrible days ever. He had talked before about moving out, but I didn't think
he was really serious. And then one day, he started packing. I walked out of my room and saw him carrying empty boxes up
the stairs to his room, and I honestly stopped dead and stared at him for a couple trips. I didn't know what to make of it.
And then, of course, when I started talking, and figured out what was going on, I started yelling.
Oh, I yelled a storm at him, a lot of What the fuck are you doing, and Why are you doing this. And of course, he didn't say
much. He stayed cold as ice, just like he taught me (never let your enemies know what you're feeling ... only, you're
not my enemy, Darcy!), and he said, We'll discuss this later. I said (yelled), Later? When, after you've moved out? He
promised to stay for dinner, to explain.
He stayed for dinner, but had used some heavy drugs beforehand, and fell asleep in the food Kassandra had prepared. All in
all, it was a disaster. Kassandra Healed him, and then he was very sick. I took him up to my room to tend him because there
was this horrible smell in his room.
He was just conscious enough to protest. Also to protest sleeping in my bed. I sat on the floor and watched him sleep.
In the morning, I tried to get him to sleep more in my room, and he lost it. He got very angry with me for trying to force
him to do something he didn't want.
I let him go into his room very reluctantly. I really didn't like that weird smell.
He woke up and tried to leave, and Kassandra tried to make him stay to explain, and he lost it again, getting very angry at
us. There was some odd shit going on with Kassandra that morning, too. I'm not sure what it was.
Anyway, finally, I got on his side. I was tired of fighting with him, and the angrier he got, the more I worried that he
would leave, hating all of us, and me in particular, and would never speak to me again. So I told Kassandra to drop it, and
asked Darcy to call me sometime.
I worried about him, anyway, worried that he wouldn't call me, that he'd overdose on whatever he was using, and I wouldn't
know about it.
So, I went to visit Callia, to ask her to keep an eye on Darcy. There's a lot that happened after that, but the main thing
is, my family and all our friends were gathering at the Chantry because of rumors about the Technocracy, and one of Darcy's
friends showed up, saying Darcy had disappeared.
So, I asked my cabal to help me find him. They agreed. We followed his Lifetrail (a neat trick of Kassandra's) into the
Umbra, and followed him on and on, through Arcadia, into all sorts of odd worlds. And everyone we met on the quest, everyone
I asked help from and explained the quest to, immediately assumed it was a Quest of Love. There was one being (a dragon)
I had to actually answer, instead of saying, yeah, sure, whatever. My answer to him was that Darcy was the most important
person in the world to me.
We eventually followed his Lifetrail to the sea, where we took a boat to another land, and we finally found the Technocracy
ship that had taken him. We snuck on, followed his Lifetrail until it split into three people. The Technocracy had cloned
him while he was on the journey. I suppose they figured he wouldn't have been missed right away, and that they could use
him to spy on us or something. We figured out which ones were the clones, and killed them.
Then I ran up to him, and he smiled at me.
I think that was when I really knew. My days-long journey, dragging my cabal-mates, exhausted, afraid the Technocracy was
going to sneak up on us at any time and kill us all (or worse, clone us and chain us up), it was all worth it, just to see
his smile.
I touched him, and he was warm. I was afraid he was sick, and then the smell of fire filled my nostrils, and I awoke.
My aunt Bridie called it a Seeking. Something to do with the Avatars.
Anyway, then I knew, and I had to find Darcy and tell him. I ended up asking Kyril to help me find him (Correspondence),
and then I went after him.
I found him in a shitty little apartment that looked like he'd been in there for weeks instead of days. Plus, it was filthy.
I knocked, and he didn't answer, so I tried the door. It was unlocked, so I went in, and found him sleeping off some drug
or another.
I checked him with Life and found that he'd wake in a couple hours, but I wasn't sure exactly. I wasn't sure if he'd let
me in his apartment if he was awake and semi-sober and knew I was there, asking to be let in.
So, I decided to clean the apartment, give myself something to do while I waited for him to wake up. When he did, I was so
scared. I mean, odds really were in my favor here. But I was still scared. It meant probably giving up my bachelor status.
It meant probably a fetter, a chain, a commitment.
He made himself coffee, and I waited for him to be sorta awake, and then he asked what I was doing there. I beat around the
bush a bit, my stomach twisting and turning. I thought I was going to be sick.
He was getting impatient, and I was getting more frightened by the second. So I just blurted out, I love you.
And probably most infuriating of all, he tried to play like he didn't understand what I was really meant. He tried the whole,
Oh, well, we're friends, tactic.
I told him, You can disbelieve me if you wish, but do not misunderstand me.
He said he needed time to think about it, so I left, feeling stupid and cowardly for not doing something.
Then, I ran into the Stranger. He told me that Darcy and anyone else I cared about had better be in the Chantry tonight,
or bad shit would happen to them.
So I sighed, trudged back up the stairs, afraid he wouldn't believe me.
He didn't.
I finally (somehow) convinced him by asking, What can I do to convince you?
He came back to the Chantry with me.
He stayed away from me for most of the evening, then towards the end, came and said he wanted to talk to me. He said, If
we're going to be together, I want you to be with me and no one else.
I knew I couldn't, and he probably knew I couldn't, but he stood there, demanding this impossible thing of me, and my heart
ached trying to figure out what to do.
Then the traitorous bastard, Jishne, posing as leader of our Cabal, came in and asked me if I wanted to sleep with him.
I didn't need to see Darcy's face for my heart to break into pieces. It was the thinnest, most tenuous alliance ever, and
the slightest thing could break it again, leaving both of us hurting.
I told Jishne we'd talk later, and then suffered Darcy wrath.
We finally figured something out, and were officially a couple. It was even nice for a little while. We moved into our own
little house in the Horizon Realm.
Then some other shit happened. The cabal made an alliance with the werewolves, and decided to do the same with the fae.
Our werewolf alliance was helpful there.
I approached the fae, because there seems to be something about me and fae. I like them, and can see them, when normal people
just see people in business suits, or whatever. Anyway, the duke of the fae, Duke Gwenwynn, decreed that in order for the
alliance to take place, a certain little-used custom needed to be fulfilled. Since the person approaching the fae was female,
she had to marry one of the fae. The Duke chose who. A troll named Jagir whom I'd met before. I liked Jagir. Not sure
I wanted to marry him.
The Duke claimed Jagir had feelings for me. I staggered out of the fae world, and went back home to the Chantry to tell my
cabal and my -- boyfriend about this.
Anyway. It ended up being I marry Jagir, Darcy fight Jagir to the death, or no alliance. I wanted the alliance very badly.
If Darcy fought Jagir, if he purposely killed anyone, he would lose his Avatar, become a Sleeper.
Darcy and I talked and talked about it; eventually, he decided to fight. The Duke had an important guest who begged a boon.
He requested the fight become a footrace. So Darcy won, and the alliance was on.
Then we fought the pattern spiders with the werewolves, and Darcy was disfigured by the spider venom (bad scarring on his
face, lost his left arm), and attacked in his mind. His only defense for that was to lock himself in his mind.
Darcy was battered and locked into his mind. We tried Healing him, but with minimal success.
I spent hours trying to get into where he locked himself, to pull him out.
Our cabal learned that the Duke was an Unseelie fae, corrupt and selfish, had deposed the rightful Duke and taken over, and
wanted us dead. We found out that there was a group of the fae he'd forced out, trying to raise numbers to kick the Duke
out.
So we went to help them. The morning before the battle with the Unseelie Duke, I managed to break into the part of Darcy's
mind where he was hiding. I came out, knew he would wake in a couple hours. This was an hour before we were to meet with
the fae army.
To my everlasting shame, I went with the army.
And so I wasn't there with him when he woke. I wasn't there with him when he decided he couldn't live anymore. I wasn't
there with him when he took his life using Life. I wasn't there. He didn't say good-bye.
Oh, Darcy, you didn't even wait to say good-bye!
I felt him passing, and ran back to the Horizon Realm, but I was too late.
We buried him in the Horizon Realm under an oak tree, and had his funeral that night.
The next morning his body was gone.
To shorten an extremely long story by just a bit, we ended up going through the Wraith-lands while still living, on a
quest. (Yes, I've been here before.)
It was horrible, since Darcy had just died, and we couldn't find him. We had no idea where he was, and Kassandra
was one of the best Spirit Mages I knew. We were told that meant he had moved on to his final resting place, but I knew
considerably less about death and afterdeath than I do now, so I was scared. I knew the Wraith-lands would be about
the worst place for him to land.
I needn't have worried. After the quest, I found him -- he had turned into an angel, and was Healing people all
the time. He spent most of his time in one particular hospital, and that is where we found him.
And my heart broke into pieces again and again. He was an angel. Androgynous, completely at peace, and completely
devoid of the passions that had made him Darcy. It was unsettling, and -- something about it all wasn't right.
He was no longer Darcy, but some weird being that looked a bit like him.
He knew me, but he didn't seem to care about me anymore. It was like God took one aspect of him (the Healer) and
threw the rest away.
Oh, Darcy! Why did you leave? Why didn't you wait to say good-bye? Why are you no longer Darcy?
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